Ugly Dies Ugly

Dear World,

The darkest rage I’ve felt in my life, luckily I have only ever experienced once. It was the kind of rage that curses through your veins like the Devil’s adrenaline, corkscrewing itself into the deepest nooks of your soul and eating away at the flesh until you’re numb. It was five years ago on a sunny December morning. I was shaken to my core to discover that the one person who I loved and trusted with my entire heart had shattered our vows with infidelity. Today, small tinges of that rage resurfaced again. Pandora’s box unleashed the evil from a chapter in my life that I prayed would stay tightly sealed forever.

So why should I be THIS upset about seeing them together? Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve never seen them in a photo together until now. The only images I held were the ones my mind had painted on its own accord, vivid and gut wrenching. My naive self, five years younger, took his word that it was nothing more than lust. How dumb was I to believe that a liar, who’d lied to me for nearly a year, was not telling me lies once again? Why should I be angry that the worst part of humanity has found its counterpart? Why should I be upset, when the truth is that everyday I’m grateful that I’m not the one sharing the sheets with him anymore? As my best friend reminded me, “If they’re together, then they’re not inflicting more pain on people…”

Huddled up in a comfortable embrace in his typical coaching attire and her in her slinky Pink hoodie trying to be 20 again, they look so in love. The beautiful sunset reflecting against the lake in the background like all is right with the world. His hands that once slid a diamond onto my left finger are now tightly pulling her closer to him. What you don’t see in the photo is their lying, cheating, manipulating, don’t-care-who-I-f@#$-over-so-f@#$-me attitude tucked deep into the wrinkles of their weathered, leathery faces and cold hearts. The dozens of comments that stamp, “Such a special couple” or “Love you two together”… If only people understood the evil that lurks behind those smiles. The human collateral left in their selfish, narcissistic wakes.

Today I saw my philandering ex-husband flaunting his relationship on social media with the tramp who blew up our marriage. Bottom line, life is never what it looks like on the outside. It’s much, much darker. And the happier it looks, the more ugliness that is trying to be hidden.

Sincerely,
Britt