Nelson Mandela once said that, “Having resentment in your soul is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die.” For the longest time, I wanted to blame certain people for events not panning out the way I had always envisioned them. It was my ex’s fault for being unfaithful. It was my body’s fault for continually producing only one pink line on test sticks. It was the doctor’s fault for not detecting the cancer sooner. I could blame the Universe for not blocking off every one of life’s paths that seem to be littered with inevitable red flags. However, what I’ve learned from life over the past few years is that playing the Blame Game does not get you anywhere, except deeper into a hopeless black hole.
I thought by 30 I’d be married. And life laughed as I became a divorce statistic by 34. I thought I’d have a few kids growing up alongside my niece and nephews by the time I entered my early 30s and now I’m almost 40 and the doctor says not to count on it. I thought I’d have met my soulmate by now, yet it just hasn’t happened.
Life never works out how we plan. Marriages don’t work. Lives get cut short. And kids are no longer in the cards. However, if I’ve learned much since my divorce, it’s that resentment doesn’t move us forward. Being angry at those who have let me down and left me lost shouldn’t have a place in my life. I may not have the perfect life I envisioned for myself some 20 years ago. However, what I have in my life is perfect to me. A home. Two dogs. A job I love. And friends and family that continually pick me up when life gets to be too much. So to stamp the words of Nelson Mandela, I’m giving up the poison that has been holding me hostage and hoping it guides me a little bit closer to the path I’m meant to go down.
